If you are rich, it is very easy to gamble extravagantly.

When I was a whole person I used to throw my fingers haphazard into the pot, two at a time, whatever the odds they gave me, but now that I'm half-blind and missing three quarters of my limbs I have become a lot more cautious. The less you have, the less you can afford to lose. Getting a little sick of sticking both hands into the hot oil of the frying pan here.

I don't want to get hurt.

You; you half the time I don't get at all. And half the time I do. Half the time you're all poisoned spikes and exoskeleton, and on the other hand I've seen the marshmallows and dish washing liquid side of you, the side that's visible in the right light, you shine fluorescent as a semen stain. I just wish we didn't have to play minesweeper together quite so often.

Click?

Click? Click? Click? BANG!

So much baggage, I'd doubt they'd even let us on the same aeroplane. Oh come on dude, I've been waiting fucking ages to change my facebook status from “I'm single” to “It's complicated”. Give me a goddamn break. Wouldn't everything be so much simpler if simple liking was quite simply enough? And! I swear to god! I'll disregard all those horrible things my friends might have said. Just, you know, sink, slide into a rum & coke maybe with me sometimes.

Christ, despite best efforts I'm not even drunk.

It seems to me, on some days, that my problems with women are a lot like my problems with drinking. You wake up the next day with a throbbing headache, full of sincerely genuine regret and remorse, and then end up swearing black and blue to yourself that this time, THIS TIME will be the absolute last. No more, no more, you are completely finished with this crap. Done, kaput, it's over. Not worth the cost.

There's plenty of porn on the internet. And I do have quite a few female friends. So it's just a simple cut-and-paste job in photoshop and then I reckon I've pretty much got myself a relationship sorted. And THAT is some serious return-on-investment financial genius rogue trader dodgy hedge fund shit right there. No stumbles, no missteps or stuttering shyness or flowers required. No over-analysis or reading-too-much-into, no vague lines or blurry coke-bottle boundaries, no grim and Aztec crystal pedestals requiring the blood sacrifice of a human heart—to uncaring gods indifferent anyway.

I want a realdoll, with your face on it.

But I give up! On women! For real! Just like a thousand times previously, and like a thousand more times to come.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I really value my female friends. I ain't talking about “friends” “friends” like chicks you're kind of sort of well actually yes honestly I am planning on fucking down the road if the opportunity should present itself, nah I'm talking about the type of girls you can hang with, just relax with, go chill down like an icebox.

There's an awful lot of poverty in the world man, but a life without women would be a damn sight poorer by any U.N resolution I guess I kinda feel this way because I'm not that interested in sex right now, bunch of my own shit, you know etc blah blah blah and so on, but damn! solid stoney wall of testicles, too much sometimes, know what I'm spitting?

There has been a lot of discussion, nature or nurture, why women are different, but I say who gives a fuck, because, whatever, their perspective is precious.

Unbalanced forces cause objects to accelerate.