It is my belief that we are all responsible, to a greater or lesser degree, for bringing into existence the kind of world we would want to live in. Indeed we generally do so completely naturally, almost subconsciously, you could call it the natural project of our lives. Our actions tend to flow from the deep artesian well of our “core values”, those beliefs that hold us closest. We do not cradle these thoughts and feelings to our chest like a little babies, but rather, they are the ones that nurse and nurture us.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those “power of positive thinking” types. I don't think your necessarily responsible or the bad things that happen to you, and all the wishing in the world won't help win the national lottery. I'm simply saying, in the long run people tend to act in a way consistent with who they are. The kind encourage compassion, and the ruthless, ruthlessness.

Since I was much younger I realised the enormous power of the social construction of reality. A brick through a window is still, of course, a brick through a window, but the interpretation of the swiftly flying brick, the meaning of the shattered glass is still very much socially constructed, an action to be lauded, or criticised, depending on the capacious warps and seams of the social fabric. But the kind of things that could be done with technology, the possibilities inherent in producing tools that amplified my thoughts and deeds by a factor of ten, a hundred, one thousand! that was pure magic. Driven by one tenth desire to change the world and nine tenths narcissism, these projects never seemed to go entirely as planned, With so many different individuals acting with each other and with the code, there were always unintended consequences. Which was also something I loved. My projects had taken on a life apart from me, I had given birth through the crevice of my frontal cortex and now something new crawled or walked or slithered across the face of the earth.

This long preamble brings me to my latest project, which was not entirely a success, but on the other hand not a total and unmitigated failure. It should be obvious by now that I am not just indifferent, or merely even for the legalisation of—I am actively pro-drugs. When I was a kid, before I started using anything I envisioned drugs as nothing less than the fiery blood of Satan himself and “druggies” as the half-whispered monsters who raped and killed innocent law-abiding citizens at slightest whim to get their fix. None of which is remotely true, obviously, but watching the news or reading the paper wouldn't lead you to think so. It's kind of fascinating to watch the media wave around the enormous cardboard cut-out of the cloven hoofed folk devil of drug use around, in the right light you can see the wires. Fascinating, but also kind of disgusting. They were outright out-and-out lying! It was all lies and bullshit but people still seemed to gobble it up by the spoonful. What was needed was a kind of consciousness raising exercise, but you can't just tell people the truth, you have to show them. There is the kind of truth you appreciate intellectually, and then another, much richer, more real emotional truth, the truth of personal revelation. There's no running or rationalising away from a truth that resonates inside you like the ringing of a tuning fork.

After some thought E seemed like the most appropriate choice. Minimal side effects, safer than aspirin and a guaranteed good time. If your gonna give drug n00bs a taste of something harder than pot it may as well be E. I wanted to become a proselyte for recreational chemistry, an e-vangelist that could plug you in direct to all the angels and trumpets of the serotonin celestial chorus. Even if only one person took E and found it was actually good, not bad, not all the crap and foulness they were reverse-marketing it as, well, that could change a lot of attitudes down the road.

And in the end, of the five people I had initially arranged, only one person did (glad you had a good time dude!), I blame this on my own lack of organisation and on over extrapolating from my own specific feelings towards drugs (yes please!) to the more general case. Also, as a friend pointed out, I could be thought of as a “pusher”, evil old Caleb getting the kids hooked on these vile chemicals so he can push ever outwards the boundaries of his burgeoning drug empire. To help clear any confusion I don't deal and I don't take a cut when I hook people up, I do this from love. I really feel like drugs have enriched my life in ways too numerous to count. They've made me a lot more liberal in my world-view, certainly a lot more eccentric yes, but I'm not sure that's a bad thing. The positives greatly outweigh the negatives, at least in my case. A lot of what I consider my best ideas have come out of having the occasional late night wrestle with psychedelics. Clearly I still have a lot to work on, re being a better person, but anyone who thinks taking drugs is the easy route over the mountain is kidding themselves. They will make you confront creatures that had up until then only slumbered fitfully in the swamps and jungles of your head, and sleeping beasts you had always thought best left undisturbed will rise and rear and howl at you.

Despite the small scale of my tiny victory—or failure, I will still take the lessons learned and apply them, to the next time. Because there will be a next time. Because this is the future, and I hope to help bring it about.