Drinking alcohol makes me feel like a better person.

Don't look at me that way. I am a decent human being—I swear to God! When the cat's away and the chips are down I am a stand-up individual. In a fist fight I would either beat you to a pulp or lose completely; I am the type of guy that either backs the false dichotomy or else ends up totally one sided, type of guy should have quit when he was behind but still joins the arms-race without the benefit of gunpowder.

I am the type of guy who would like to go down in a hail of bullets.

One of those, you know?

Stop looking at me that way. Stop looking! Stop looking at me at all! or else! I swear-to-god! I will take you to some dark, very very dark places. Don't make me go all chrome and mirror on you. Ah honey, let's not have that whole “Auschwitz” conversation again. You and I both know I should just flag all this “higher feeling” bullshit and just stick to what I'm good at.

Once upon a time I built a bayesian classifier to find the most depressed blog posts on the internet. I mean seriously depressed people. I mean suicidally depressed, really considering their options, you know what I'm saying. Totally worked out, was actually pretty effective for something so primitive and easy. Anyway, so I posted this shit to the internet in real time. Took it down after one day. Couldn't handle the jandle. The thought that I'd be exposing all these people to the ultimate hostile environment, these people already teetering on the edge of the ultimate free-fall, well, you know anonymous can be somewhat unkind.

Hell.

Maybe I should put it back up.

It's nothing personal. Just, hastening the end of the world seems like a good idea some days.