Girls are just too complicated, or I'm too complicated, or too stupid, or something. The thing about masturbation is that at least I always respect myself in the morning, there's no over-analysis involved, no too-much-reading-into necessary. I don't know, I really don't, I always figured... nah.

CBA

can't be assed

SFA

sweet fuck all

DTB

do the bolt

FBOD

first beer of the day

FSOD

first sesh of the day

How I yearn to go back to a simpler, more innocent time, like the fifties, when you could buy heroin in the supermarket and there was a bright neon Fonzarelli leaning all vinyl smooth and cool as a callous against every neighborhood jukebox.

JFE

just flag everything

Scraping together enough fifty cent pieces from my floor to buy a twelve pack of beer I have decided to put off killing myself until some later date and instead am embarking on somewhat of a serious drinking binge.

It's not me, it's you.

If you are rich, it is very easy to gamble extravagantly.

When I was a whole person I used to throw my fingers haphazard into the pot, two at a time, whatever the odds they gave me, but now that I'm half-blind and missing three quarters of my limbs I have become a lot more cautious. The less you have, the less you can afford to lose. Getting a little sick of sticking both hands into the hot oil of the frying pan here.

I don't want to get hurt.

You; you half the time I don't get at all. And half the time I do. Half the time you're all poisoned spikes and exoskeleton, and on the other hand I've seen the marshmallows and dish washing liquid side of you, the side that's visible in the right light, you shine fluorescent as a semen stain. I just wish we didn't have to play minesweeper together quite so often.

Click?

Click? Click? Click? BANG!

So much baggage, I'd doubt they'd even let us on the same aeroplane. Oh come on dude, I've been waiting fucking ages to change my facebook status from “I'm single” to “It's complicated”. Give me a goddamn break. Wouldn't everything be so much simpler if simple liking was quite simply enough? And! I swear to god! I'll disregard all those horrible things my friends might have said. Just, you know, sink, slide into a rum & coke maybe with me sometimes.

Christ, despite best efforts I'm not even drunk.