steam powered sail boat, circumnavigating the stars
Posted on Thu Jun 28 01:10:00 UTC 2007
Dangerous decadent debased and depraved, degenerate & diabolical, the past is a sarcophagus and we are buried in our histories. I feel as insecure as fuck sometimes. As in the dark as anyone. The rules keep on changing on me; getting the hell out of here to some place where I got no name or heavy ball and chain locked round my ankle is sounding pretty good right now. Forget everything I was! - it seems very tempting. Hit the delete button, it never happened, rewind, erase, erase.
Some people say they got no regrets but I got a literal metric fuckload. I got heaps of things I'd do over differently if I could and I try and chalk it up to experience but I'm not very good at learning from experience, and then generally only in the most painful of ways.
The nice thing about being drunk compared to being sober is whatever action you are taking exactly at that moment is obviously exactly the correct and proper action to be taking, you are always doing the right thing, all the time, you save the second guessing 'til morning. I sometimes wonder if this is all there is to confidence; simply conveniently blotting out any evidence to the contrary. In the morning of course, you're the still same person you was before you drank except now you've done this stuff. Some of it you're glad you did, some of it you're not. But as inevitable as sunrise in the grim light of morning a reckoning will come -- cough up kid it's time to pay the piper.
With sobriety there's a reckoning and a judgement passed every waking moment.
I should learn to hide myself better. conceal and camouflage myself in rock moss and lichen to better survive these harsh desert climates. I should grow thicker skin, skin so thick it deflects bullets and bends light.
I get the feeling this shouldn't be so difficult as it is.
---
Oh my god I think I'm emo.
--
Oh my god I *am* emo.
Some people say they got no regrets but I got a literal metric fuckload. I got heaps of things I'd do over differently if I could and I try and chalk it up to experience but I'm not very good at learning from experience, and then generally only in the most painful of ways.
The nice thing about being drunk compared to being sober is whatever action you are taking exactly at that moment is obviously exactly the correct and proper action to be taking, you are always doing the right thing, all the time, you save the second guessing 'til morning. I sometimes wonder if this is all there is to confidence; simply conveniently blotting out any evidence to the contrary. In the morning of course, you're the still same person you was before you drank except now you've done this stuff. Some of it you're glad you did, some of it you're not. But as inevitable as sunrise in the grim light of morning a reckoning will come -- cough up kid it's time to pay the piper.
With sobriety there's a reckoning and a judgement passed every waking moment.
I should learn to hide myself better. conceal and camouflage myself in rock moss and lichen to better survive these harsh desert climates. I should grow thicker skin, skin so thick it deflects bullets and bends light.
I get the feeling this shouldn't be so difficult as it is.
---
Oh my god I think I'm emo.
--
Oh my god I *am* emo.