An excerpt from the CIA improvised field guide to breeding human-crustacean hybrids
Posted on Sun May 27 22:24:00 UTC 2007
Now that the divine madness of kings has been proven beyond a doubt (using precise scientific instruments) to be the sad results of incest and heredity rather than the (generally attributed) spiritual corruption that flows from the capricious grip of power, the thoughtful student of Histrionics (that is to say, the study of history by rigorous mathematical extrapolation from the present day backwards ) might be left to ponder the question: how come?
Even in this day and age the exact mechanics of metaphysical causality remain poorly understood; during the entire four terms of Roosevelt's presidency the available technology could only be described as “primitive at best”. Nonetheless government researchers actually managed to achieve some surprising results in this early period of experimentation. Notable among their successes was the heavily armoured SL-50 human-crustacean landcrab, a seven foot tall mobile butchery that made significant contributions to several Allied victories in the Pacific theatre whilst still only in the prototype stage, this unit remained in (limited) active service until the end of the Latvia-Belgium conflict.
Since genetic engineering has quickly advanced to the level where a single SL-50 can be easily spawned in an ordinary suburban swimming pool (given sufficient access to fresh clean non-chlorinated water, the correct levels of nutrients and proteins - and, of course, the instamix), the potential use for crustacean hybrids in areas of low-level urban peacekeeping simply cannot be under-estimated. In one trial an unnamed expert states a well known defence contractor claimed a massive 87% gentrification! Clearly then, the rewards out-weigh the risks.
If you are reading this manual we assume you have already made the decision to join the all volunteer human-crustacean hybrid program - congratulations! Service in the landcrab corps is all about teamwork, fitness and friendship. It's not just a job, it's a way of life and along the way you'll gain skills that will last as long as you do.
Whenever I think about myself I experience a kind of vertigo, a dizzying loss of balance on the crumbling edges of a very steep sharp cliff.
Even in this day and age the exact mechanics of metaphysical causality remain poorly understood; during the entire four terms of Roosevelt's presidency the available technology could only be described as “primitive at best”. Nonetheless government researchers actually managed to achieve some surprising results in this early period of experimentation. Notable among their successes was the heavily armoured SL-50 human-crustacean landcrab, a seven foot tall mobile butchery that made significant contributions to several Allied victories in the Pacific theatre whilst still only in the prototype stage, this unit remained in (limited) active service until the end of the Latvia-Belgium conflict.
Since genetic engineering has quickly advanced to the level where a single SL-50 can be easily spawned in an ordinary suburban swimming pool (given sufficient access to fresh clean non-chlorinated water, the correct levels of nutrients and proteins - and, of course, the instamix), the potential use for crustacean hybrids in areas of low-level urban peacekeeping simply cannot be under-estimated. In one trial an unnamed expert states a well known defence contractor claimed a massive 87% gentrification! Clearly then, the rewards out-weigh the risks.
If you are reading this manual we assume you have already made the decision to join the all volunteer human-crustacean hybrid program - congratulations! Service in the landcrab corps is all about teamwork, fitness and friendship. It's not just a job, it's a way of life and along the way you'll gain skills that will last as long as you do.
Whenever I think about myself I experience a kind of vertigo, a dizzying loss of balance on the crumbling edges of a very steep sharp cliff.